Today is Easter. Easter has always been a unique, special day to me, especially since I became a Christian. I’ve spent many of my Easters alone, mainly because I was far from my family and we didn’t usually have break during that period of time. So, I’d go to church and then go wander in the woods – it was a normal thing.
This year there was so much emotion. I know that I am super people’d out at this point, but gosh darn it, it was wonderful.
It wasn’t just today, either. As you can see from my Facebook and other posts, this week has been emotional. Holidays have been hard for a long time, especially since Grandma and Mom died and they got so freaking weird after that.
The Easter Egg hunt yesterday was insane. We had a couple hundred people. Like, seriously. And I got to take so many pictures. Being Molly is something that just helps me to feel so free and unafraid. As Erin said, it’s proof of who I CAN be, as long as I’m not afraid and my anxiety isn’t talking. And that is a huge deal and something that I love – I love performing and pretending to be a silly fluffy dog – it is something I wish I’d been able to do when I was younger, but I wasn’t ready.
That being said, I fell asleep when I got back, and then I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep last night. Then, I accidentally slept through my alarms for sunrise service; then I went over to help Erin and Gina get ready for Easter lunch. They had an Easter basket for me and I got a giant chocolate egg from their Momma and Poppa. I felt like I was part of the family, and that is something that I’ve been dying for. And yes, that’s Judy Hopps. I haven’t let go of her since I got home. I know, it’s silly, but so meaningful.
But what killed me today was church. Rob is such an amazing preacher, and the message he talked about today blew my mind completely. The point was “Old Trees, New Life” that, when a tree dies, the stump that is left is the best place for a new tree to grow. The rotting, messed up, dead stump is a fantastic place for a new tree to get the nutrients.
And I just sat there and sobbed. I was trying so hard to pull it together, but Rob reminded me that yes, my life? My life had been that mess. My life had fallen apart and the tree that I’d started growing wasn’t getting the nutrients that I needed. Then?
I came out of the closet.
There are so many people out there who think that coming out takes you further from Christ. That it sends you to hell. I used to be one of those people.
But now? No. You see, when my life fell apart, and things got difficult, and I started re-examining everything, I realized that I was just hiding. And I realized that my life was gone. That I had a chance to start over. That my life was that rotting stump at that point in time.
But now? 3 years later? I’m out. I’m free. My life is that tree growing from that stump and it is beyond stronger than the original tree. The roots are deep in the ground and it’s able to stand up against the winds of life. Sure, there are times where I bend and have difficulties – but don’t we all?
Easter is about New Life. Easter is about our Savior coming back from the grave and declaring that death has been defeated. That every single one of us has hope. And that we have the ability to know God. We may all see Him differently, but in the end, He is who He is.
And you. No matter where you are in life, you have that same opportunity. Life doesn’t get all happy go lucky when you decide to follow Jesus – sometimes, it gets even harder – but gosh darn it, it is so worth every minute of it.
I’m sitting here crying for the fourth or fifth time today. I cannot believe how overwhelmed by love and grace that I am at this very moment. For you all that made this Holy Week as special as it has been.. thank you. I love each and every one of you so much.
I hope you have a wonderful Easter Season.